Tall Tales of Fergus.

[arkodo]

Ok, This thread is a joke telling thread of Fergus, for he is considered up there with Chuck Noris jokes because of his past events in life. I got this idea after recently watching the new Bill Brasky sketch comedy on SNL last Sat.

Anyone can participate.

Rules. No inside meaning thats hurtful, exploiting him for personal gain, this is strictly telling tall tale's/jokes of him that aren't necessarily real. Kinda like Paul Bunyan or Pecos Bill silly shenanigans tails to Chuck Noris feats of epic-ness.

Don't piggy back on other's joke's unless its really funny and planned out to be worth it.

For example

I ever tell the story of Fergus inventing the concept of profanity one time when he broke both his arms bear wrestling and needed a way to hurt people when he couldn't just sock them in the mouth! Yup, thats the kind he is. Crazy awesome to a boot.

Go from there. Make up your own quotes from here on.

[Xavier]

Hehe i need to think of some old fergus stories

[Arcturus]

Yea it's hard figuring where to start

[Draggeron Ascholie]

start with the first one that comes to mind, dont waste time thinking about which one

[debuenzo]

I once heard that Fergus had sex with so many sheep that he inadvertently knitted himself a pair of socks.

[Xavier]

Fergus once lashed 4 romans together and rode them into battle.

[debuenzo]

It's said that little Fergus is a better fighter than most newbs

[arkodo]

During the Great blizzard of 86' Fergus wrote the meaning of life in the snow with his urine, he killed and ate everyone who read it. When they asked him why, Fergus said he liked his food enlightened with the ultimate truth.

(Felt that my last quote was crummy, decided too rewrite a new one too top it)

[arkodo]

God decided to cheat and based creation off Alex Raymond's comic character of Prince Vultan but renamed him Fergus so he wasn't openly caught.

[Azgarehta (Bard)]

Fergus once fought the entirety of EBF wearing nothing but WOAD

[debuenzo]

If you laid the cans of chew end-to-end that fergus has had in his lifetime, you could go around the world 3 times.

[ehlanna]

This one time at Ragnarok little Fergus escaped the kilt of holding and proceeded to fuck every chick there, the whole time singing "fast as fast can be, you'll never cum as fast as me"

[arkodo]

I remember a time when the government commissioned General Mills to propagate the Kool-Aid man more than ever to cover up the time when Fergus went on a murderous rampage. See, whenever you see Kool-Aid man bursting through a wall saying "OH YEAH", offering flavorable beverages to children, it was really Fergus caving in a wall and covered in the blood of his enemies. He had the skin tone of distilled rage, and instead of offering colorful libations to the unlucky bystanders, he only had gnarled, scarred fists of death. So whenever people talk about the incident, the masses will always think the few who really know are just joking about seeing the Kool-Aid man on that fateful day.

[arkodo]

Fergus invented fire when he farted on a caveman. The fumes from all his alcohol consumption were more volatile than propane, and the poor caveman had unfortunately discovered you could bang rocks together at just the wrong time.

[debuenzo]

The movie "Over the Top" is loosely based on Fergus's amateur career as an arm wrestler.